How far can you go blindly into the night?

How long can I withstand our never-ending fight?

You betrayed me like I never was,

Now you treat me like everyone else does.

You wont be forgiven, apologies not accepted,

You say sorry like a straight lie, never seeing whats ahead.

You lied to me once, and youd do it again,

These wounds you have given me refuse to mend.

It hurts me to see us in pain this way,

But its you who hurt me every single day.

You said it would take more than the world to break us apart,

Now, over something so stupid, youre breaking my heart.

And now I sit here, alone, like I always have been,

I have a gun in my mouth; Im the most useless of men.

Im gonna swallow the bullet from the gun on the shelf,

You might as well pull this trigger yourself.

I entrusted you with everything I was,

I told you my darkest secrets, and this is what it does:

You knew all the exact words to say,

You destroyed my soul and do as you may,

You knew exactly how to hurt me,

And now I plunge in death into the dark, lonely sea.

What the hell is your problem? You wont stay away.

You always come back with something new to say.

Your words are said and theyre killing me fast.

To drive me over the edge is no easy task.

But I never thought Id see this day.

Even though Ill be gone, youre still gonna pay.

Like I said, this was no easy task,

But behind your innocence your evil is masked.

Because we were so close, you knew what to say,

My soul is torn, now it begins to decay.

My spirit is gone and my body is next,

I cant begin to describe the pain I feel within this simple text.

I could never say I was tired of your shit.

Because all youd do is begin to throw a fit.

Its over, its done, and Ill never be back,

I hope you get this letter so it ties you up in a sack.

Revenge is mine, though I wont be here,

I was alone in this world, and could hold nothing dear.

The pain of this life was simply too much,

Betrayal, love, hate, fear, and such.

Betrayal, hate, broken souls and fears,

Love, trust, support and tears.

Life, death, friends, and foes,

This only begins how all the bullshit goes.

Goodbye now, I'm leaving to peace,

My life has already begun to cease.

You were everything I ever was,

Nothing ever hurt me quite like this does.

I just wanted to say one final goodbye,

As my soul leaves this hell, going into the sky.

You betrayed me- the other side

I got in a fight with my best friend today,

I felt bad after and stumbled away.

As I went to his house, someone said he was dead.

Probably because of some of the shit I shouldnt have said.

He died for the foolish actions I took,

I feel like a character within a fantasy book.

Tears fill my eyes; I know its my fault.

I feel as though my life has come to a halt.

What did I do? What did I say?

That made him take his life today?

What can I do? My head is spinning,

I guess I just felt like winning.

In that stupid fight we had,

I said just the right things to make him so sad.

We were both best friends at first,

Now we have both been cursed.

His curse is complete, mine will be next,

It is death to which we have been hexed.

He left me a haunting memory of pain,

He let me know how his soul was slain.

Its all my fault, I did it to him,

Now the light of my life has begun to dim.

There is no way to explain the guilt that I feel,

Normally when shit goes wrong I pretend the past isnt real.

Im slowly being torn up inside,

It is a pain that will not subside.

I can do nothing to make myself better,

I'm haunted by the contents of his letter.

I cheated on him, and he died for me,

Im blinded by tears and I cannot see.

The tears I shed will forever fall,

Until I find death, and it makes its call.

What the hell was I thinking when I pushed in the knife?

Why the fuck did I want to end my life?

You know my being was always a strife,

Which is why I decided to take my life.

The reality struck you when they told you I died.

By the way, I hope youre satisfied.

I watch these simple questions you ask,

You ask when finding the answers is a simple task.

Im watching you sit by my body and cry,

Watching you ask why I had to die.

You sit there and continue to ask me why,

You cant bring me back no matter how hard you try.

You never had a chance to say goodbye.

So the pain continues to multiply.

Its a simple question that I can answer,

My life was nothing but a plague like cancer.

They say I lost my decency,

But that was only recently.

I cried out to you and found deaf ears,

Even though I had loved you for so many years.

I have finally taken away all my fears,

You might think I jumped ahead too many gears.

You told me you would always be there,

Now I am transfixed in an ice-cold, deathly stare.

To say youre my best friend, dont you dare,

Because I am dead, doesnt mean I cant glare.

The last days of my life I was continually screaming,

But the eyes of my tormentors were consistently gleaming.

The power of this hate is constantly streaming,

But they will always be forever teeming.

From within you will always hear me screaming,

Your mind always pictures the blood on the wall that was streaking.

My eyes are torn out, so there is no peeking.

Comfort, I will always be seeking.

You will spend the rest of your own life crying,

withering away as everyone else is dying.

You hear my voice only when I am sighing,

you fail to silence it, but keep right on trying.

You continue to try to keep the pain from showing,

but its inside your chest, always growing.

You wish you could keep everyone else from knowing,

that straight to hell is where I am going.

When you sleep, I hope you dream of me,

and wake up screaming like youre drowning in the sea.

When you calm yourself, I hope you know to agree,

your happiness always eats at me.

When youre awake, I hope you remember me,

and break down to tears every time you picture me.

And then I still hope you can feel me,

and then know in your own heart that you killed me.

and I know with my heart you will sense me,

and know this is the way it always be

I hope this insanity gets to you,

and then you wont walk feeling quite so new.

I will always be tormenting you and others, too.

And you know there is nothing you can do.

And I will be there on the day of your death.

I will personally seek out your last breath.

I will try my best to tear out your heart,

Even though I know we are so far apart.

From left to right your eyes will dart,

Until I tear them out, and with the blood I will paint myself art.

My anger levels fly off the chart,

My way to hell, I have begun to depart.

You might say Ive gone fucking insane,

But at least I dont have to take this pain.

So much for living my life in the fast lane,

You try to forget me, but find it in vain.

Someone once said you reap what you sew

But this is something nobody will know.

From hereonout, you will always hear my voice,

It is no longer placed under your choice.

You didnt know your words possessed the power to kill,

But this curse you have, I have already fulfilled.

There is nobody you killed more than I,

This is why I made myself die.

Enough

Let me make this, plain, simple, and fast,

I hate what has been done to me in the past.

And I hate you, and me, and I hate my fucking cast,

None of this shit was ever supposed to last.

Fuck you for making me think this way,

Fuck my brother for making me pay.

Fuck this world for keeping me at bay,

And even fuck me for living to this day.

Fuck this life and all thats in it.

I hate this fucking world every single fucking minute.

Suicide intentions

You told me to give you one more chance,

and held me within a deadlocked trance.

You told me to continue with my life,

you told me how much I needed to lay down the knife.

You promised me you would always be there,

and you know what? No longer do I care.

you were never there to answer my endless cries,

and all the while you kept feeding me lies.

I cannot take away this vengeful hate,

because I cant escape the demons you always create.

Shall I try to describe what this life is about?

I will tell what it is without a doubt.

the television is feeding you,

and the more you hear, the more you do.

Listening to what you want to hear,

things that resolve around hate and fear.

The pain you feel cant go away,

because were all programmed to feel this way.

We live within a world that loves to suffer.

Which is why moving through every lonely day gets tougher

I cant explain every reason why,

I dont know why all I want to do is die.

But you left me alone in this hateful place,

and I smile as the blood trickles down my face.

You were supposed to help me until the end,

but your bullshit gave me a wound that will never mend.

It wont get a chance to mend because I again picked up the knife.

And now, I am going to end my life.

Where did I go wrong in my simple task?

Was staying alive just too much to ask?

I understand the pain that you went through,

yet you act like there was nothing anyone can do.

The pain you have given me is too much to bear,

now I walk through this world without a care.

you pulled the trigger, the blood is on your conscience

so why do I think all I fed you was nonsense.

I talked you out of it when you hung up the phone,

now I feel like Im in an abyss, all alone.

Why did you take your own life last night?

Why could you not just put up a fight?

You couldnt hold on for one more day?

Just to see if things would go your way?

the worst part was how you let me know,

now I try not to let all this pain show.

Why did you call me as you loaded the gun?

And why was I on the phone when it was all done?

You destroyed my life, my very being,

and I think you did it all without seeing.

I try to hide all of this pain,

yet I find doing so all in vain.

Because I cannot keep myself from crying,

I am withering away, I am slowly dying.

God shuns those who commit suicide,

but I think the whole world has lied.

I want you to know, before I join you above,

that you killed me in the name of love.

Ill make it simple: life is bullshit.

So fuck it all and everything in it.

Suicide (2)

A cut in the hand, bleeding wrist,

My soul will lie down in ice-cold mist.

A small bloodstain on the blade of my knife,

Just to end this suffering, this strife.

I am forever falling down an endless hole,

A gun in my mouth, the trigger ready to pull.

Swallow the bullet, clear shot to my brain,

Time will never wash away all pain.

The rope is loose, my head is through,

This guillotine will make happen what I never could do.

Cut off my air, breathe out my last breath,

My body turns cold as I slip into death.

Top of a cliff, watch the sun set,

Remembering how they said, not to worry, not to fret.

I HATE living inside this lie,

All I want to do is die.

Im tired of the tears that have lived on my face,

Tired of feeling lower than my solemn disgrace.

This feeling, it hurts so deep inside

Nobody on this earth with whom to confide.

A cold chill of darkness is swept over me,

I am going to fly into my destiny.

My soul will never see the depths of the stars,

But burning in hell is better than living with these scars.

I think of all those years that Ive wasted,

Its nothing compared to the tears that Ive tasted.

The rocky cliff base awaits me below,

I still wish these feelings upon me werent bestowed.

Maybe someday someone will see:

Falling is the only way I can be free.

Gravity takes its toll as my feet leave the floor.

My life has been hell, nothing less, and nothing more.

Desecrated Glory

The demons of hell have taken my soul,

Left in the era a deep, dark hole.

They bid me to kill you or join my cult,

From left to right, make your body jolt.

The angels from above lay lifeless at my feet,

Burned fro m my intense hellfire heat.

They lay in the ashes of what once had been,

What I swear by my soul will never be again.

I laugh as I tear down heavens gates,

Controlling the forces of all dark fates.

I feel no resistance, I feel no fear,

The end of all glory is drawing near.

Of piss-stained vats and cold blooded lies,

I will show this world that even their god dies.

Crooked nails, evil shaped hands,

Blood will shed across all lands.

Fuck this world, ill make it capsize,

all because it led me to my demise.

If you slit my throat, and watch me bleed,

tending to your very own needs,

and watch as I slip slowly into death,

then with one final, gasping breath:

I will apologize to you for bleeding on your shirt,

then pass away from this world of hurt.

If you put the gun up against my head,
make me tell you I wished I was dead,

I would worship the bullet before you put it through me,

I apologize: you wasted a bullet vainly.

Clear shot echoes like a whisper in the night,

tell all your friends I never put up a fight.

Entry wounds wickedness, clear shot to my brain.

You finally took away all my pain.

Hands around my neck, turning me pale,

denying my body the right to inhale.

Eyes closed, lips turned blue,

there is nothing anyone can do.

Im fading away, wholl stop you now?

I dont even want to, who gives a shit anyhow?

Im going to die, there is no doubt,

so I apologize for wasting your strength as I pass out.

Make me swallow formaldehyde,

tell your friends I committed suicide.

Tell yourself you just want to see me cry,

wake up to reality: you want me to die.

Feel contempt as I fade away,

you always knew it would be this way.

and as I choke out my very last breath:

Ill apologize for not bringing sooner my death.

Cover me completely, drench me in gas,

this is all going way too fast.

I feel as though Ill choke on the fume,

all my secrets will never be exhumed.

Strike a match, make me perish in fire,

it will burn away my every desire.

Ill burn in intensity from the hellfire heat,

you did it, you killed me, its an amazing feat.

As you watch the flames rise, going higher and higher,

I will apologize for wasting the butane in your lighter.

Push me off a cliff, make me fly.

Nothing like shedding the chrysalis to die.

It wont be a struggle, I wont fight back,

you dont have to drug me to throw me off track.

Like mandatory suicide,

you push down the lanthanide.

As I fly toward the rocks, I will not scream.

But I promise you Ill haunt your every dream.

Ill close my eyes before I hit the bottom,

and apologize to you for making you do this like its modern.

Any way you kill me, any way at all,

Ive already taken the fall.

You cant scare me with pointless threats,

cant make me contend with living death.

Dont fight someone who has nothing to lose,

I have given you just enough clues.

Touch me, and I will destroy your life,

because me alone is more brutal than any knife.

Do not fear death, fear what I can do,

no cliff, or poison, or fire, or gun will do what I will do.

And in the next life, youll see where I fell.

It is then I will join you in the pits of Hell.

Another Day

Passing the gun from left hand to right.

I have decided to give up this life long fight.

Its the last decision Ill ever make,

Ive seen the last candles on my last birthday cake.

Tears roll down freely from all the pain,

thunder strikes outside, and I can hear the acid rain.

why should I have to deal with the pain of this life?

Its not worth it, Id rather end it all with a knife.

So many memories running through my head,

they all make me wish I was dead.

Will I have the courage to pull the trigger?

Will I wait patiently for my own grave digger?

I load a round into the magazine,

feeling as though it were all a dream.

Im sorry Stephanie, Im going back on my word,

my actions may allow my silent screams to be heard.

Chantelle, I promised I wouldnt go this way,

but nobody will listen to a single word I say.

Travis, get ready to piss on my grave,

my soul is lost, it cannot be saved.

Scot, you always have been my best of friends,

but eating at my heart is a wound that never mends.

I promised you all I would be okay,

so why is it all happening this way?

night after night, I have just sat and cried,

somewhere along the way, my spirit died.

From thereonout, I was nothing but a leftover shadow,

nothing left but my souls dying echo.

I place the barrel under my chin,

why is it everyone tells me I am drowning in sin?

Maybe its just because its me everyone seems to hate,

dont blame yourself when you read this, it is simply fate.

I close my eyes and fight back the fear,

now I can do ittheres nobody here.

Why do I write this? I am bidding a final farewell,

I am finding my little reserved spot in hell.

My legs are rubbery, I drop to my knees,

and I close my eyes tight and begin to squeeze.

There is a click and I scream,

shying away from deaths evil gleam.

Jesus Christ!, I forgot to load a round,

it scared the hell out of me! A machine so profound.

Created to save lives by taking that of another,

till it takes your own, or mistakenly your brother.

Images flash before my eyes,

blood on the floor as everyone dies.

Even myself, in a heap, in a pool of blood,

my parents standing around me, wishing the bullet was a dud.

Tears streak down my moms soft face,

she only wishes I have passed into grace.

Flashbacks stop, and I lay down the gun.

Is it over? Is it done?

I cry as I again walk away,

this will all be saved for another day

Anarchy (2)

Were together, apart, so fucking alone.

Why bring this pain that is so much to condone?

Torn apart, betrayed, stabbed in the back.

Im a wolf who has strayed too far from his pack..

So much has changed, its so unreal.

You couldnt begin to imagine all the pain I feel.

Stripped of my best friend, Id have given my life,

I guess she did, too, cause the blood still drips off her suicide knife.

I could have handled it, could have pulled through,

But seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to do?

Just watch, a good witness, fuck you judge!

Of course Im holding just a small grudge.

Because our city falls under the acid pollution,

And for the hate crimes: theres still no solution.

Im sorry son, youre going to juvi, fuck you, too.

I shouldve known better than to listen to you!

The police on my back, 24-7

Id rather die and burn in hell than live in surreal heaven.

Fuck the police, its anarchys rules,

Because the entire government was played for fools.

They think theyre high and mighty, officials of government.

So they lock me up again, fuck you, Im loving it!

They call it justice because they put me in the pen,

But right from the beginning, Id do it all over again.

They thought I would crumble when the inmate said sup

They thought they could teach me by locking me up.

Get my acts straight through rehabilitation,

What the fuck happened to the youth of our nation?

They thought my life was designed to be confined,

Well aint all this shit just sublime?

Fuck that, Ill live free from behind my cell,

Its bitterly sweet for me while their intentions are hell.

But theres a small faction they easily overlooked,

I spread a few sentences and get some followers hooked.

My words spread like a Gospel, a faction of hate,

Theyll drown in their ignorance cause Im labeled inebriate

Now the whole worlds against me, nowhere to turn.

Im lost in a maze where all angels burn.

They think because Im in trouble with the government, Ill stand morrow.

But I really have no problem with doubling my sentence tomorrow.

Swing on me, just once, and theyll all see:

My wrath is a fury, theres no other like me.

And Ill walk through both ends of heaven and hell,

Then come back for my friends with so many fucking stories to tell.

So if I sacrifice this, me, give them my word,

Why am I alone? The last of my herd?

Its fucked up aint it? But thats how it is and will be,

Because the all-powerful government has forsaken me.

Traitor my theme, Criminal my label,

If this is freedom, then watch the flag burn on the table.

No longer am I gullible, Ill never again shed my tears.

The epitome of evil has also stripped me of my fears.

Now I know the truth; its all a lie:

The government, like all else, is waiting for me to die.

Waiting till its over so they sign a release,

Apologize with no feeling because my life has ceased.

People crying cause my life was lived through hate,

My life sentence pardon came two minutes too late.

Theyre watching, waiting till I cant be a menace again,

Well fuck that, fuck you, fuck this, and fuck them.

You dont have to tell me, I know Im nothing; never was,

I just do stupid shit while you watch like everyone else does.

Know this now: I do not fear death,

Dont give a fuck if I expel my final breath.

I knew from schools expulsion, I knew from the start,

That ever so slowly, wed all be torn apart.

But know I died defending your honor,

Because I caught the bullet knowing I was already a goner.

Does it matter to anyone that they said you were next?

I cant describe what I feel within this pathetic text.

I cant blame all my problems on my father,

He did the best he could for me, so why bother?

As I sit here, following his word, my cellmate sings his song.

Apparently, giving a fuck was hopelessly wrong.

If its right, its something I cant seem to do,

Well fuck that, fuck them, and fuck you, too.

Im sorry if I keep getting a little carried away,

Talking about things that eat at me every single day.

You wanted to say I love you on another day,

Who couldve knew shit would play through this way?

Cant say it now, Im gone, its too late,

Youre the next victim of vindictive fate.

All of this is so damn hard to believe,

A fate so cruel it is ill to conceive.

The past is gone, departed; so unreal.

But nothing can change the way that I feel.

Maybe Im alone; my own kind; a new brood.

But Ive got no conviction to my own flesh and blood.

well fuck that, and fuck all, and fuck him, and fuck you

for not having the strength in your heart to pull through.

Ive had doubts, I have failed, Ive fucked up, Ive had plans,

doesnt mean I should take my life with my own hands.

Stacy, open your eyes and youd see that neither should you,

its a helpless feeling to know theres nothing you can do.

But this governments sin lies in low morals and greed.

Its stripped me of my ability to give anyone what they need.

In that life, with my friends, I could never get ahead.

Now anarchy is taking reign because our freedom is dead.

How the FUCK can I say these things when they say Im a fucking child?

Adolescent, juvenile, bullshit! Because my charges compiled.

Who the fuck is anyone to say I cant protect the innocent?

They mistake themselves for god, the synonym is government.

Now all I want is to force down their reign,

Anarchy became through fire and pain.

Fifty stripes for fifty strikes,

Fifty bullets through fifty fuckin spikes.

Damn, only thirteen stripes, still enough to wreck hell,

And we all thought freedom when we heard the Liberty Bell.

Through the wars, the crimes, we saw our fifty stars.

And new cuts continually cover the old scars.

Americans died in vain, in pain, they fought for you.

They fought under the colors of our red, white, and blue.

Dont forget the orange and yellow from the fire.

Vets would be disgusted at our countrys sole desires.

I feel compelled to do it, its almost a must.

From ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Our eagle, our power, could once be seen flying.

Now it lies on the brethren desert floor dying.

Anything that our country has ever stood for,

Was quietly silenced, and pushed out the door.

Government is one things youll never hear a girl say is cute

Because it still deviates from the absolute.

This country blows, and I know others are worse.

It seems everywhere I go Ive been cursed.

The twin towers made America a tragedy, disaster.

Still cant pray in school, never will thereafter.

I loved my friends, I have died for them,

Id stand for them, shoot for them, forever fight for them.

Id die for my friends, Ill lose it for me

Fuck you, fuck him, fuck all the powers that be.

Scot, I did it once, Id be there again,

Whether its one, ten, or fifty three men.

We dont talk so much anymore,

Did our last convo end when you called her a whore?

I love her, fuck it, Id die for you, too.

Go to jail once again cause it ended in school.

Travis, Ive always been there,

Ive always had your back through this, that, and anywhere.

But aint it weird how our crew came to be?

Because my soul really is a lost casualty.

Stephanie, why did we ever stop calling?

I needed you the most, my spirit was falling.

Just like the government, who sits back and denied,

Somewhere along the way, I fell down and died.

Chantelle, lets not even get started here.

Dont know what went wrong, was it the fear?

Then again, nothing ever went right,

Ida still been by your side, but it ended in a fight.

So now we sit in a mutual silence.

Dont speak a word, were in a cold compliance.

DJ, just dont know where the fuck you went.

Never call, email, I wouldnt know if youre sold or spent.

Are you dead? Are you alive?

I wouldnt know; we havent talked in months exceeding five.

One by one, you were all torn away,

Coming to live back in another day.

All because of a ruling, the slam of a gavel,

It dont matter that I hit the floor, had my face smeared in gravel.

Hell no, they really never gave a shit,

Just lock me away without throwing a fit.

It never mattered if I was right or wrong,

Because this whole fucking school makes my road so long.

Before the .45 was drawn and blown,

I just want the world to have all this known:

Ive shed my loneliness, Ive shed my tears.

I love you all for this many years.

I tried, I cried, I lied, I pried.

Nothing fucking mattered when I fell down and died.

.45 Colt just to end my life,

Hurled away in an ambulance, still holding the knife.

It didnt fucking matter when I died for you,

Id have done it for all of you, and who wouldve knew?

Does it matter Ill never again see the one soul I love?

Does it matter if I burn in hell, or watch you from above?

Would it matter if my heart and soul turned to ice?

Or would it matter if I was ashen white in paradise?

Can any of us really change our destiny?

All I ever fucking wanted was to be free.

All of you slowly tore yourselves apart,

But held a close bondage from within my heart.

But youre all here now, roses in a basket,

Watching my lifeless body as it lies in my casket.

Nobody ever wouldve tried to save me,

Im a criminal, subliminal to the ultimate gan-grene.

It didnt matter that I died for you while I was all alone,

Never again gonna see my fucking home.

Its so fuckin sad that it takes this for us to unite,

Ill never see my family after my funeral night.

Is the means truly justified by the ends?

Fuck it, I once called you ALL my friends.

Didnt matter once my soul was torn,

Belated forever, its so damn forlorn.

 What is one last thing I can say?

What words to give you on my dying day?

Take each second and keep it. Freeze it and hold it.

Consider each of these minutes golden.

The only thing that ever pushed me on,

And know that I love you even though Im gone.

And I know in my life, Id made my mistakes.

Took one too many chances, ran outta breaks.

Another lie, a joke, prank taken too far,

All of these left their own little scar.

But from Alpha to Omega, beginning to end,

I guess I only failed in trying to be a true friend.

And if you read this and it brings tears to your eyes,

Just know sooner or later, everybody dies.

I just died to you in a different way,

Nothing I can ever do or fucking say.

Dont cry for me, I dont deserve it.

Because if you ever screamed for me, I still havent heard it.

I wasnt there when you needed me the most.

Ive got nothing in this life to brag for or boast.

My one greatest honor was calling myself your friend.

A dream of laughing, crying, holding on till the end.

A dream that held true until it finally shattered.

Because after repeated loss, its received a beating and battered.

I miss you guys every single day and night.

To hold back my tears is a futilely waged fight.