You walk through the musky grass of the fields.

The dirtiness of sweat beads down your face.

The smell is disgusting, and you at first think to wipe it off,

But then you reach the trench. As you do, an alarm blares.

Suddenly, the world erupts into fire and smoke.

The sound is deafening, the sight breathtaking.

Machine guns from your lines and the enemys fire.

They rip anything in the way to shreds, reducing wood to mere splinters.

A wave of enemies approaches your trench, but your squad opens fire and kills them.

The fighting lasts for a few minutes before the casualties of your own appear.

Your best friend lay beside you in a bloody heap,

Looking as poor and helpless as a little child.

Then it hits you: what is this for?

You will not be remembered as a hero, not a savior or saint.

Why are you doing this? Killing for nothing.

Kill or be killed? Thats what you tell yourself.

Your fear hides inside you as you take out another wave.

At any moment it may burst, taking control of your body.

You fight that fear as hard as you can, knowing what happens when you crack.

Then your commander orders you out. Your first wave attacks.

Just as your wave, your brother beside you, leave the trench,

An airplane flies by and the entire thing goes up in flames.

The sound is deafening, you may even go deaf.

The smoke is filling the air and tears form in your eyes.

Then your brother is shot, he falls to the floor.

He was gone, just like that, too fast for feeling.

You turn to flee, but a bullet strikes your leg.

You fall to the floor, the fear slowly taking place.

You lie on the floor, paralyzed in pain.

Only one hope stands for you and your men,

That some survived in the trench, and still fight the enemy the same as before.

But the hope is lost when a different explosion sounds,

And gas fills the air, sweeping straight to your battle line.

Your skin begins tingle, then it hurts.

It feels like an itch that hurts too bad not to scratch.

Tears form in your eyes; its getting too hard to see through the smoke.

Then the poisonous gas reaches your lungs, and you stop breathing altogether.

You know if you breathe out, you wont breathe again.

Your lungs are stuck in place; you cant breathe no matter how hard you try.

You close your eyes; the memories of your past come to life.

You enjoy the pleasant, and cry time and time again of the bitterness.

Your chest feel as if a brick lay on it, and the pain is too incredible to describe.

Then you exhale, the last of your life drains away,

And you feel your body getting lighter, like your soul is leaving your wounded body.

You know you wont be remembered just like everyone else,

So your last thought surely must be: why do we fight in a war?

There is too much pain and suffering for all.

Then there is no more pain, or stone.

No memories, no past, only the future is here.

You open your eyes to see the same little field.

No bodies are strewn across, no fires anywhere.

It is night; its warm, just perfect to you.

You walk across the field, stroking the grass, wishing you could stay there forever.

But you know you wont, so you just relax,

Then you fall asleep under the night sky, remembering the life that had just passed away.

Protecting you

You and I walked through the dark alley,

enjoying ourselves in a town near a gully.

A man came, he appeared out of nowhere,

he pulled out a gun and shot through the air

I jumped in the way of the flying death,

I could not bear to see your last breath.

I know you told me guns are dangerous,

 now I know why as I lay in the grass.

I was able to save you now, but what about next time?

 I wont be there, to protect you from crime.

Because now I lay on the floor bleeding,

 Im dying, I know, because you sit there weeping.

The paramedics can do nothing but watch as I die on the floor,

 but Ill be watching from heaven over you and many more.

You sit there and cry, but it wont bring me back,

Your face is now fading, all is turning black.

I cant wait to see,

 if the gates of heaven open up for me.

I imagine you being taken my friend,

I try to black it out but it plays again.

I wish I could tell you that I love you,

But my mouth is filling with blood I can chew.

Im getting cold, even my arm is numb,

If you look close enough, you can see purple in my thumb.

I feel empty inside, because Ill be away from you,

The feeling of death is worse than feeling blue.

There is a sharp edge, like a knife in my back,

Ill never be able to rejoin the pack.

I saved you once, and Id do it again,

In a heartbeat, Id be there, to put the pigs in their pen.

Theres no more black, only light,

Im gonna die, I cant live though I try to with all my might.

I see an angel, it looks exactly like you,

Well never be apart, because my heart belongs to you.

Remember me, as I will you,

Ill be in your heart, as with the rest of the crew.

It is goodbye now, Im leaving to peace,

As you will too, when your life begins to cease.

On that morning, when your life is over, I know Ill see your face,

You will join me here in the land of grace.

Well be together in happiness once again,

But never can we, until then.

Freedom

Freedom? What is that?

Perhaps it is something that a magician has in the hat?

Surely our freedom is not life,

The aches, the pains, to die by no more than a knife.

I look for an escape from left to right,

But there is no way out from the knifes sharp bite.

It digs in deeper, piercing my flesh and blood,

My blood then flows like that of a flood.

It burned then, like the fire on a grill,

My life had just begun to go uphill.

My entire left side went numb,

Yet I continued to wait for you to come.

Little did I know that you wouldnt be there,

Until its too late, then youre beside me, stroking my hair.

Your body burned with the heat of your passion,

Hotter than the fire, in your sense of fashion.

The knife then dug deeper, into the bone now,

Im gone already, I couldnt come back anyhow.

I look into your face, your tears streaking down the side,

The smoothness of its flow, more than all others could abide.

The burning heat then gets cold,

Colder than ice, with death as a mold.

I can see him now, the bringer of death,

He came rigidly, eager for my last breath.

I cannot look away, I try with my strength,

But the power is too strong, and even in length.

Suddenly flashes of visions came forward,

It was as if a door had been busted inward.

The visions were of life and death and many things,

And death carried me away gently, and on swift wings.

My spirit flies higher, getting further away,

I am dead now, I can no longer stay.

The line of the heart monitor is flat,

More solid than your metal baseball bat.

The people are now frantically running,

As if a swarm of bees had come in to sting.

You check my pulse but there is none,

I may have well been shot with a gun.

I dont even have a single heartbeat,

To stay alive this long was an amazing feat.

The tears in your eyes streak faster down your face,

You are suddenly aware of my passing to grace.

You find it harder to believe with each passing second,

You still recall it from when I beckoned.

It is as unreal to you as playing in a band,

You still love me too much to fully understand.

Then it seemed to hit you all at once,

I will never be back, as if I were a dunce.

You cry harder now, but it wont bring me back,

You know this, as do I, and it ties you up in a sack.

Then my body slowly begins to lift,

Getting lighter and lighter, like given a flying gift.

I pass through each moment in my life,

Even through when the guy had a knife.

From the time I met you to the time we first kissed,

At that sweet moment nothing was missed.

From the time I said I love you, to the time you told me too.

From the happiest moment,

To saddest that came and went.

Tears now fill my eyes,

Or should I say my spirits, for the body has passed away.

I think that now I know what a soul is,

A spirit in a body, waiting to be free.

Mine is free now, and yours will be too,

And on that day nothing but the sky will be blue.

We will be together once again,

To sign our names in heaven, with the only holy pen.

Im sorry

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I take a look at my life, and realize theres nothing left.

My dad went away when I was only nine,

I didnt have as much as a dime.

My mom went away when I was eleven,

I knew one day, Id see them in heaven.

I was too busy looking into the future,

To see what was in front of me, now theres no cure.

I know you cared, I know you tried,

But nothing could help me when I fell down and died.

Im sorry I didnt watch,

You were nothing but a blotch.

Im sorry I didnt listen,

When you smile it seems to glisten.

I look now at my life and all I see is you,

I wish I could go back, looking brand new.

But I cant go back, now that Im dead,

One of my gang members shot me in the head.

I dont know why it struck a nerve,

When they said theyd get you to come and serve.

They drug me into an alley and shot me right there.

My eyes remained open, like transfixed in a stare.

Now I look from heaven and see you all there,

watching me in a casket, candles making a small glare.

Im sorry I did it, because now Im away from you,

Im going to heaven, where the sky is always blue.

Im sorry I never said I love you,

Now I can, though you only hear it inside of you.

I love you, and Ill see you soon,

Because when you die, we walk the alley together, under the blue moon.

The day I died.

I look at you from the heavens above,

And remember my life, it was full of love.

I recall the instant, it was all taken away,

Sooner or later, we all have to pay.

Nothing comes without a price,

Its all in the luck of the dice.

The cost of life is merely death,

What is left behind is seen on your last breath.

For me, I once had it all.

A perfect wife, family, and even a mall.

But then one day, when everything was seemingly great,

a stray bullet reminded me of the cruelness of fate.

I lay there in tears, looking up at your face,

All happiness is gone without a trace.

Then the pain gets harder like a brick on my chest,

I lived for two more minutes at best.

There was nothing to do, death slowly taking place,

A white light had already begun to replace your face.

The last sight I saw on your face were the tears,

And the love that we held for so many years.

And then I was gone, my life passed away,

My body is dead, my spirit astray.

My soul then went straight into heaven,

I remember the joke we first played on Evan.

I love you forever, and youll never forget that.

Ill be watching from heaven, which is where Ill be at.

When you die, Ill be here again,

And together well walk into heavens den.

The dark secrets kept through death,

The ones that ruined life.

I look up in the clouds and hope you pass the sun.

Youll be right next to God wholl be calling you son.

I wish right now that you werent gone.

We were together even as a fawn.

There were secrets I had that I intended to tell,

But I was too scared, now its like living in hell.

I miss you, I can say that much,

The way you speak, smell and touch.

The way you spoke was like a calm summer breeze,

This world thats my hell because you brought me to my knees.

The way you smelled was better than any perfume I had ever smelled,

It was so sweet for so long my nose could have swelled.

Your touch I could not begin to explain,

Because every time you touched me my heart stopped and I went damn near insane.

I can still remember the first time we met,

I'm sorry to say it was actually a bet.

But I saw you then and the bet was over,

I thought Id died and went to heaven but realized life wasnt over.

Id simply found the greatest part,

Someone who could reach my heart.

I meant to tell you that I loved you,

But nobody could know that the next death was you.

I wish I could say how much pain I feel,

My heart is tearing away like an orange peel.

My heart is broken and shattered,

After repeated loss its been battered.

I loved you then as I still do now,

You dont seem to realize what youve got until its too late.

When somebody hurts you, you get the feeling of hate.

But when something happens, and time runs out,

You begin to wonder why you ever had a doubt.

When you find somebody that you truly love,

You will fight, but it ends because you know youre beloved.

But what will happen when time has expired?

What would you give to not be so tired?

What would you do for one last dance?

What would you do for one last chance?

What would you give to say one last word?

What would you do to take back words that were absurd?

In this final fight we had,

I never imagined it would get so bad.

How could we know Id be dead by tonight?

If we did, I know, we would have stopped our fight.

But the cruelness of fate has taken place,

And the paleness has begun to replace my face.

My fatal wounds come from my bleeding heart,

So let my body and soul depart.

I watch you now from the heavens above,

Im still distraught within the binds of love.

How can there be sadness in this joyous place?

Yet tears begin to streak down the side of my face.

I miss you though I see you every day.

It hurts so bad that I could not say.

I miss the gentleness of your touch.

But words will never say how much.

I miss your smooth caress,

And then harder your lips would press.

I miss the strength of your embrace,

To place my cheek upon your face.

Im stuck in an eternity away from you,

And I know you will always be missing me, too.

I know one day I will see you again,

But not until we are caught in the end.

If I died tomorrow

If I died tomorrow

Where would I be today?

Would I let people have their way?

Society cast me silently into the night,

And Ive given up hope without giving a fight.

Where would be my time with you?

Is there anything I can do?

If I died tomorrow,

Would anybody remember me?

Or cast away those memories into the open sea?

I never have held anyone so near,

Will there even be a single tear?

I need to slow down to keep up with you,

Is there anything I can do?

If I died tomorrow,

Would you remember yesterday?

A moment so great only time can betray?

At that moment, it was our first kiss,

To stay there forever would be sheer bliss.

As the song continues, I hold onto you.

Is there anything I can do?

I know now Ill be dead by tomorrow,

And I also know there will be no sorrow.

Society patiently awaits my fate,

And then Ill be gone from this world of hate.

I'm wishing still I could be with you,

But there is nothing I can do.

The fire of hate

Theres a feeling inside me I cannot explain,

You could almost say it feels like pain.

I can feel it crawling beneath my skin,

And I try to forget, but remember your sin.

I can feel it inside me, burning me up.

Its the flame from the candle inside the cup.

Then the flame grows, becoming a fire.

To let go of this rage is my hearts only desire.

I want to let go, I want to forget,

I want to do something Ill never regret.

And then I remember how much I hate you,

I can say how much, but youll have no clue.

You are the fire that burns inside,

You bring me a hate whom no other can abide.

I can feel the fire burning within,

Frying my soul and searing my skin.

The force of the fire is tearing me apart,

The flames savagely attack my broken heart.

It burns like an itch that wont go away.

The fire burns freely, running astray.

The fire gets worse with intensifying heat,

I still cant believe this hate I cannot beat.

I feel my boiling blood rush to my head,

It makes me feel I will soon be dead.

When I am dead, the fire will be out,

I wont be able to scream, yell or shout.

Then they will lower me into my hellish grave,

Im so far gone I cannot be saved.

I have succumbed to the hate,

Now I take a look at my fate.

The fire is a constant reminder of fear,

It has painfully reduced me to flickering tears.

The hate burned away from me whatever was left,

To steal my soul is the greatest theft.

The ashes of fire are a glimpse at what could have been,

I never do I want to see you again.

Its over

Life and death, a common thing,

Little did I know Id grow in your pain.

You cast me away, but even so,

I came back to live in your shadow.

I was suddenly borne from your laughter.

So we could live happily ever after.

How could I possibly know Id be dying in your arms tonight?

Im distraught in this life and death fight.

Time and silence

Will cushion the violence.

A voice is shattered

 While a soul is battered.

This is our silent war being fought.

I didnt even know the answers I sought.

We were so close to being the perfect friends,

I guess this fucked up life never ends.

How could I know Id be in this one again?

I thought youd be with me, I was wrong again.

How could I know Id be crying alone?

I once thought against me you outshone.

How could I know all the pain you would bring?

My heart skipped a beat every time I heard you sing.

I guess its all over because of another guy.

Sometimes I wish I just couldve died.

I wish in due time we can still be friends,

But we lack a closeness with a wound that never mends.

Its goodbye, but only for now.

I wish there was another way somehow.

But theres not,

So Im distraught.

Its over, its done, it never was.

I'll just try and remember like everyone else does.

I suddenly feel an emptiness inside,

I always seem to run and hide.

The past few months have been purely of pain,

no matter how hard I try, I still cant refrain.

In my heart, I know that something is wrong,

I cant even sing my favorite song.

There is a constant pain beating upon my chest,

my soul can never sit down to rest.

Everyone in my world says everything will be all right,

so I cower away from them in fright.

The truth is, I know, nothing will take the pain inside,

and I know Im so sick and tired of all the lies.

Everyone continues to ask questions when they already know the answer,

and I know I will soon die from my cancer.

Still together

Do you know what it feels like to be free?

Have you ever swam in a waveless, calm, open sea?

Freedom is being alone with you,

freedom is having nothing to do.

You are my beginning, my end, first and last,

you take away my longings for the past.

With you, I treasure each second, day and night.

You say hold me close, so I hold you tight.

I want to cry when you whisper I love you into my ear,

while you hold me so very near.

You seem so perfect in every way,

I wish this second would never go away.

I feel the pulse of your hearts rapid beat,

I miss the times our lips would meet

I hear the silent echo of your fading breath,

I feared what would be the moment of your death.

Then so slowly, I pushed you away,

I still wished that we could stay.

Im sorry, I have to go is what I said,

but it doesnt matter, now that Im dead.

I had died in your arms that night,

when you held me so very tight.

You cradled my body, feeling it cold and blue,

you knew there was nothing you could do.

Though I love you, I had to leave,

now I wish so badly you would not grieve.

For I left my soul with you,

watching over the others, too.

Even thought we are so far apart,

Megalomaniac 

Nihilistic mystics 

Apostolic Alcoholics 

Messianic Manics 

In the age of super-boredom 

Hype and mediocrity 

Celebrate relentlessness 

Menace to society 

Refuse is our inspiration 

Terrorism our trade 

Sabotage and piracy 

Chaos our mental sate 

Mesmerizing festering 

Intended for the faint of heart 

Cultish and Anthemic 

Until death us do part 

Like a fiendish tropic virus 

Spitting bile at all you whore 

Razor-sharp tongue-in-cheek 

Poking in your open sores 

A wolf in sheep's clothing 

The ultimate disgrace 

Wrapped up as a gift of god 

Exploding in your face 

This is counter-culture from the underground 

Eternal revolution this is our sound 

KMFDM better than the best 

Megalomaniacal and harder than the rest 

Mercy 

I went thru too many people 

I went thru heaven and hell 

I went from Rome to Baghdad 

Too many stories to tell 

I lived thru too many eons 

I've risen up and I fell the fall 

I have been there and I have done that 

I've see it all and all 

My time is running like water 

Deeper I dive and deeper 

Last of nine lives of the cat 

I saved my soul for the reaper 

What do you mean by that 

Mercy is all you get 

Do what you won't regret 

Freedom's your self-respect 

Torture 

My motivations unresolved 

Things are just never what they seem 

Apathy's currencies deceit 

Pitch bending radiated dreams 

The jackal's wishing well forgotten 

Dark cloud sunrise 

The view of someone somewhere else is 

Burnt into my eyes 

How long - dug up remains 

How low - the rotting fame 

How low - to see right through 

How long - the hole I knew 

How low - the clear eyed stain 

How long - to set aflame 

How low - to be set up 

How long - and taken out 

The anti-like karma from the crack in a hand 

Full painting on a mural in a foreign landfill 

Mind controlled by the pulley of the strings 

So remote the view from the puppetry swing set 

My reservations have evolved 

Scenes once negated ushered in 

Mercy killings one to one defend 

Visionary criminals descend 

On knees all burning 

A term of useless lifeless thought 

What a paid ride 

Alchemic jail-cell vivisection 

Test-subject day job 

How long - to pacify 

How low - you still deny 

How low - from up above 

How low - the tripping sound 

How long - to kick back down 

How long - the creeping crown 

How low - the holy cheat 

How long - the leap of faith 

These revelations undermined 

Controlled belief in leads mankind 

Each penny sold and mesmerized 

We're stoned 

Two-fold reversal beckoning 

The binding crayon words inverted 

In Justice travestia 

We worship acid moans and curbside-holidays 

Recycle shit we throw away in glossy packaged craze 

Maybe in a day or so I'll stumble on that grassy knoll 

To set the record straight 

Announcing to myself: wake-up 

We kill everything that's not tied down 

We euthanize but keep alive the lowest form of prison life 

So useful and experimental 

Treatment of the sick and dying 

What about the torture? 

Anarchy 

You break my back 

You won't break me 

All is black 

But I still see 

Shut me down 

Knock me to the floor 

Shoot me up 

Fuck me like a whore 

Trapped under ice 

Comfortably cold 

I've gone as low as you can go 

Feel no remorse 

No sense of shame 

Time's gonna wash away all pain 

I made a god out of blood 

Not superiority 

I killed the king of deceit 

Now I sleep in anarchy 

Sacrifice to the cause 

Turn your code into law 

Compensate to validate the loss 

Take a thief 

Nail him to a cross 

Gospel of rage 

Faction of hate 

Deviate from the absolute 

Born of revenge 

Raised on cement 

Chaos created government 

I made a god out of blood 

Not superiority 

I killed the king of deceit 

Wake me up in anarchy 

Unfit 

You are the sweetest disease for me 

I can't hear you say please to me 

There's nothing you cannot say to me 

Come on, get down and pray with me 

There's no feeling inside of me 

You'll see nothing can hide in me 

You'll find nothing can feed on me 

Don't look, listen or believe in me 

Get down, 

shut up, 

come on in 

my love is wearing so very thin.

I'm unfit 

I'm unfair 

I can't feel 

yet I don't care 

Get down 

Shut up 

Come on in 

my love is wearing so very thin

I'll wipe a stripe on you tonight 

I'll tee you high and you will fly 

Waste 

What I don't know I don't like 

What I don't like I don't want 

What I don't want I waste 

I hypnotize with alibis and fingers made of lead 

I sympathize with frozen eyes turned inwards in my head 

I realize to my demise it's better left unsaid 

That columns crash down endlessly and I will end up dead 

I theorize I'm on the rise 

But all I do is fall 

I victimize my love of life 

I've seen and done it all 

Ready steady stop 

Hurry up and wait 

The tick-tick-ticking of the clock 

Delineates your fate 

What I don't see I don't know 

What I don't know I don't want 

What I don't want I don't need 

What I don't need I don't feel 

What I don't feel I don't say 

What I don't say I don't do 

What I don't do I don't like 

What I don't like I waste 

Ready steady go 

Finish up your plate 

Before you even realize 

It's gonna be too late 

I don't know what I see 

I don't want what I know 

I don't need what I want 

I don't feel what I need 

I don't say what I feel 

I don't do what I say 

I don't like what I do 

I just like to waste 

Gonna need the gun

I keep account of my hits and my misses 

The bottle makes the final call 

Fuel me with some of your kisses 

Turn towards the weeping wall 

Distilled within your discipline 

Return to go and start again 

Bleeding on your hallowed ground 

I'm gonna lay this sodden soul right down in... 

Your TV is my teacher 

Confessional and preacher 

Forgive me lord for all this hate 

I simply am inebriate 

See the gun 

Pick it up 

All day long you'll have good luck 

See the gun 

Let it lie 

You'll want that gun before you die 

This moral bankrupt stinking vat 

Of shit-fueled lies and empty highs 

Bled between these piss stained lines 

And hid behind my glazing eyes 

Forced lie

My heart turns to ice, on a cold plate of steel,

Im dead from all the loneliness, and this is how I feel.

You abandoned me, stranded me, left me alone on this world.

Love me, hate me like this as the quicksands of time twisted and twirled.

Im alone, deserted, out on my own.

I have no place to call my home.

I walk the desolate paths of this unforgiving earth.

I have been sworn to hell since the day of my birth.

Living in eternal suffering, not giving a shit about life or death,

who would even care if I expel my last breath?

An afterlife of peace, its so solemnly true,

yet to believe it, I choose not to.

You said go to hell, but Ive already been there,

feeding me lies like not to worry, not to care.

Id like to fall in love, but I dont know how,

even if I did, the bullshit would all turn foul.

I dont give a shit about life, dont give a shit about you or me,

so why dont you just open your blind eyes and see:

Im looking for a simple and plain reason to die,

living through life is like living a lie.

Is it still hard to imagine why I am so full of hate?

Dont confuse my psychosis with a suicidal mental state.

I want to end it now, I want to end it all.

Never made it to the top, yet still managed to fall.

Im breaking, cracking, being pushed over the edge.

Im pissed off, Im confused, this is my one solemn pledge:

give me one reason, just one, and Im swinging on you.

I wont stop swinging till your face turns blue.

Sweat-soaked shirts and piss-stained pants,

Ill show you a real motherfucking death dance.

The only way to stop is for the hate to satisfy,

too bad you lied, now dont try to deny.

I take the repeated blows to my soul,

and can do nothing but cry as it drills its hole.

Theres nothing to replace my shattered heart,

and so subtly and quickly, this life tears me apart.

Bottom line: Im sick, Im tired, most of all, Im done.

I'll always miss those long talks on the phone

Now I have the feeling of being alone

Now that your love is gone nothing else will ever matter

My heart has been broken and shattered

You tried to tell me that nothing will change

When we both know nothing will ever be the same

Love comes and love fades

I guess only true love stays

I'll always miss those long walks in the park

Looking up at the night sky that was always dark

My love for you will not leave

I guess you were the one that didn't believe

Our love was as peaceful as a stream

I guess that was all just a dream

Now that you did this

Youforever I will miss

Reduced to tears

sitting alone, a moment of silence,

the icy tension: a cold compliance.

Tasting the bitterness of a salty tear,

will this, perhaps, drain away my fear?

Raindrops of sorrow, cold and blue,

I wish all of this were just not true.

A drop to a river, cold loneliness,

trapped in a world of utter helplessness.

Try to be strong, but just too weak,

comfort, always trying to seek.

Dont care about swallowing formaldehyde,

just wanting to commit suicide.

Day by day, the happiness is lost,

all of it comes along with a cost.

Rivers run into cascades of sorrow,

feel like there is no tomorrow.

Piece by piece, life stripped away,

all to see in the future is gray.

Held within a fierce Gods wrath,

choose not to follow this path.

Reduced to nothing, less than this.

Reduced to tears that have never been missed.